Gunnersaurus and the 2023 Champions League
by An Aroused Koala
Summary: It's the year 2023 and this year it is up to Gunnersaurus, the official mascot of Arsenal FC, to win Arsenal a place in the 2023 Champions League grand final!


Author's Note - this is the sequel to Gunnersaurus and the 2022 EPL. Please consider reading that story first for some necessary context. COYG.

Gunnersaurus Rex squeezed his portly belly out of the Emirates jet and trotted down the steps to the tarmac.

It was 2023 and after he had helped Arsenal to win the 2022 English Premier League title, they were now qualified for the 2023 UEFA Champions League. This was to be held in Stockholm, Sweden. With the threat of a European Super League formation, UEFA had decided it was time to change up the format of the Champions League. To add an extra level of drama and excitement to the competition, they had announced that a European version of the Mascot Grand National would be held. The European Mascot Grand National was a running race with hurdles in which the mascot from each Champions League team would compete, the winner of which would win automatic entry to the Champions League final for their team! Gunnersaurus had felt very honoured and humbled to be able to compete in this iconic event. Having taken part in some of the British Mascot Grand National races over the years, he knew that he would have the slight advantage of experience over the other mascots. However, his large round belly and short legs were not suited for running races.

Which was why he had returned to the forests of Rwanda, where he had competed in the 2022 Mascot Hunger Games, to train for the big race. His training team had not yet arrived, so Gunnersaurus made himself comfortable in the airport terminal and quickly became lost in deep thought. Gunnersaurus sighed and his large head drooped into his talons. Arsenal were having a difficult year in the Premier League. Having won only one of their last 13 games, the situation was getting dire. The morale of the players was at an all time low and their efforts on the pitch were uncharacteristically lacklustre. This was not the Arsenal that Gunnersaurus was used to. He retrieved his wrinkled photo of legendary manager Arsène Wenger that he kept with him at all times and a large wet salty tear splashed down onto it. He hastily wiped it away and placed his precious photo back into his wallet, not wanting it to be damaged.

Suddenly Gunnersaurus heard someone call his name from behind him and he turned around to see a very fashionable young man. "Héctor!" he exclaimed joyfully, embracing Héctor Bellerín in a bone crushing hug. As he was still recovering from injury, Héctor Bellerín had volunteered to help train Gunnersaurus for his race. They waited together at the airport, reminiscing about Arsenal's many FA Cup titles and were soon joined by Freddie Ljungberg. "Hej" said Gunnersaurus and the trio set off into the Rwandan rainforest to commence Gunnersaurus' training which would focus on sprinting, as well as acclimatising the cold-blooded dinosaur to the Swedish winters.

After hours of intense sprint training, Gunnersaurus tucked into a large bowl of broccoli as he shivered in the ice bath. In a way he enjoyed being back in Rwanda, memories of his adventure in the jungle with his other mascot friends came flooding back to him. Though he was a dinosaur, Gunnersaurus simply wasn't built to be a sprinter with his fat belly weighing him down. And the hurdles were even worse as his oversized shoes and small legs struggled to clear the small obstacles. But, despite all of the challenges he was facing, Gunnersaurus knew that he simply had to win the European Mascot Grand National. For England, for Arsenal and for Arsène Wenger.

Back at London Colney, the mood was distinctly sour. Despite definite improvement under the new manager and former player Mikel Arteta, they had only managed a 1-1 against lowly Bournemouth. The players trained silently in the crisp English cold, their thoughts wandering and their minds distracted. "I wonder how Gunnersaurus is going with his training," Aubameyang thought to himself as he volleyed the ball into the crossbar. "Our hopes for redeeming ourselves this season may rest entirely on him."

Finally, the day of the European Mascot Grand National arrived. Gunnersaurus woke early and ate his breakfast broccoli with Héctor and practised his breathing techniques with Freddie. They had developed these techniques together to help Gunnersaurus cope with both the cold air and his overwhelming sense of panic. Although he smiled to his friends, Gunnersaurus was feeling very gloomy. He was sure that he would not be able to win the race and that he would let the whole of Arsenal down. His hands shook as he sat in the team bus on the way to Friends Arena in Stockholm. His stomach churned nervously on the short trip from the hotel to the stadium. Before he knew it he was warming up on the springy track and being serenaded by the rapping of Joey Champness, the former Newcastle Jets player who was now pursuing a music career. As he looked around Gunnersaurus saw the familiar faces of Filbert Fox from Leicester City and Mighty Red from Liverpool who had teeth despite being a bird. He waved excitedly at his friends who looked as nervous as he was as they tentatively returned the wave.

Suddenly, Gunnersaurus felt a gentle tap on the back of his shoulder. He swivelled on the spot and saw his friend Jubas from Sporting Lisbon and pulled him into a warm and tight hug. He was so comforted by the sight of his lion friend, but unfortunately there was no time for reminiscing as the stadium was filling up. Squinting, Gunnersaurus saw a small contingent of Arsenal fans, singing "We All Follow The Arsenal" and waving a large red and white cannon flag. He knew that their presence should have lifted his mood but Gunnersaurus felt even more nervous. "All those people who travelled all the way from England just for me to let them down," he muttered to himself gloomily. "The Champions League is our only hope of redeeming this season and I will let down the whole club."

"What did you say Gunnersaurus?" asked Freddie coming up from behind Gunnersaurus and tying his shoelaces up for him as Gunnersaurus was too plump to do them up himself.

"Oh nothing." said an embarrassed Gunnersaurus, not wanting Freddie to know how nervous he was and how much the race meant to him. Freddie put his hands on Gunnersaurus' shoulders and Gunnersaurus gazed into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Remember your breathing exercises," Freddie reminded him. "You can do this Gunnersaurus," he reassured him before pulling him into a warm embrace. But Gunnersaurus wasn't sure that he could do it.

He tentatively lined up on the starting line next to Super Rat from Valencia (who was actually not a rat but a bat) and Berni from Bayern Munich. The linesman paced up and down making sure that all of the competitors were in the correct lanes. Although he hadn't started running, sweat dripped down Gunnersaurus' brow and his heart thumped hard against his scaly chest. In only a few seconds the referee's whistle would blow and the big moment that he had been training for would finally come. He looked towards the end of the track where he would have to run to but he saw a familiar figure out of the corner of his eye. The long slender man with grey hair waved at him from the distance. It was Arsène Wenger. Gunnersaurus was lucky that Freddie had taught him the special breathing techniques as he felt like he would have a heart attack. At the sight of the legendary manager Gunnersaurus felt adrenalin flowing through his veins and he steeled himself for the whistle, keeping his eyes on Wenger.

The referee blew the whistle Gunnersaurus lunged forwards. His small green legs motored, powering his oversized body along. Around him the crowd was roaring, almost like the sound of a dinosaur. Gunnersaurus blocked it out, his miniscule arms pumping hard and he ran towards the first hurdle, leaping with astonishing grace and clearing it perfectly.

Around him, the other mascots were not faring so well. Milanello the devil mascot from AC Milan was keeled over, choking on a strand of spaghetti. Germain the Lynx from PSG was sprawled on the ground, having tripped on a bruised banana. The unfortunate Chirpy the Cockerel from Tottenham Hotspur had only just stepped over the starting line when he was hit by a large bottle and a copy of the book "One Step from Glory: The Story Tottenham Hotspur's Champions League" thrown from the crowd. Wölfi from Wolfsburg had abandoned the race altogether and was reading a history book aloud to a desperate Wayne Hennessey.

Gunnersaurus was oblivious to the ruckus erupting around him as the PAOK Salonika eagle mascot was shown a red card by the referee for bringing a gun to the race. The brave dinosaur kept his eyes on Arsène Wenger as he cleared the second hurdle, his legs stretching apart like a ballerina leaping delicately. He heard some loud footsteps approaching but he paid no heed to them, never taking his eyes off his hero and inspiration. He could see that he was approaching the finish line and he managed to muster up an extra burst of energy as he collapsed over the line and his exhausted body flopped onto the track. His eyes closed, Gunnersaurus did not know whether he had won the race or come dead last, but he felt too spent to open them.

Suddenly he felt two legendary arms pulling him up. The strong arms of a manager who won three Premier League titles as well as seven FA Cups and seven Community Shields. Gunnersaurus leapt to his feet and flapped his arms around which might have been dangerous had they not been so comically small.

Arsène Wenger hugged him and said in his soft French voice, "Gunnersaurus we must wait for the VAR decision. It's a photo finish between you and Tom Sauce." Tom Sauce was the Masterfoods™ sauce bottle mascot from the Central Coast Mariners A-League team which were given a wildcard entry into the UEFA Champions League as part of Australia's integration into Europe following their Eurovision participation.

Gunnersaurus' jaw dropped in shock. He had come equal first? He looked behind him and gasped at the carnage. The car-jackers who had confronted Özil and Kolasinac had returned for revenge, running onto the track wearing nothing but mankinis. In their efforts to reach Gunnersaurus they had knocked over many of his competitors, before being tackled by the stewards.

"Oh no!" cried Gunnersaurus, horrified at the sight of his friends sprawled all over the track. "We must help them!" he cried as he tried to run over but he quickly collapsed from exhaustion. Wenger heaved him to his feet again, struggling to lift the beloved dinosaur's heavy frame.

"My friend, is ok no? They are being attended to by medical staff." He said pointing. Gunnersaurus could see that he was right.

As they were joined by Héctor and Freddie they focused their attention to the stadium screen to see the VAR result. The screen momentarily flickered as the VAR was unplugged by a Saudi Arabian man to charge his phone but it was quickly restored. Standing next to his hero and his friends, Gunnersaurus was even more nervous than he had been before the race. Had he done enough? Would he be able to win Arsenal a place in the Champions League final? His heart was in his mouth and he squeezed Wenger's hand tightly in his claws.

"It's…. GUNNERSAURUS" appeared in large white letters on the screen.

Gunnersaurus burst into tears as the travelling Arsenal supporters cheered loudly. He couldn't believe it. He had won the race and he had kept the Arsenal dream alive. He couldn't believe it.

"I am so proud of you." He heard Wenger say. Once he had quite composed himself he shook hands with Tom Sauce, made sure to catch up with all of his other mascot friends and headed back to the team hotel. He couldn't wait to get back to London and tell the team the good news as he trotted onto the Emirates plane with his chest swelling with pride and his head held high.

Gunnersaurus filled his Arsenal lunchbox up with broccoli goodies and headed back to the Friend Arena where he had famously won the European Mascot Grand National all those months ago. This time, he was back to watch Arsenal vs Barcelona in the Champions League grand final, in a repeat of the 2006 final. He hoped that this time Arsenal would be able to finally be crowned Champions of Europe. As the team warmed up he trotted around excitedly, giving the players hi-fives and heartfelt words of encouragement.

With the injury crisis over, Arsenal were able to field their strongest team, a formidable opponent to Barcelona. Gunnersaurus paused to take in the momentous occasion; the Arsenal fans singing and waving red and white flags and scarves, the light sparkling off the Champions League trophy, the sound of the epic anthem piercing the cool, still Swedish air. The preparations and formalities passed with a blur and soon the players were lining up in the tunnel, ready to march onto the perfectly mown green grass with its crisp white lines. Gunnersaurus jumped up and down excitedly as the Barcelona mascot L'avi del Barça did a jig and waved at him. Secretly, Gunnersaurus was slightly unnerved by his single giant eyeball, but not wanting to be rude he waved back enthusiastically.

The referee blew the whistle and Gunnersaurus sat on the sidelines near the Arsenal technical area, nervously biting his nails and munching on fresh broccoli treats from his lunch box. Lacazette passed the ball from kick-off to Pépé who surged forward and deftly dribbled around Piqué. His cross was perfectly placed and weighted, colliding with Aubameyang's foot and rebounding into the outstretched arms of ter Stegen. The Arsenal fans groaned at the missed opportunity.

"Omg so close!" cried Gunnersaurus.

Both teams had many chances and Arsenal looked to be a reborn team, playing the free-flowing football of the Wenger era. But after 32 minutes Lionel Messi managed to dribble around Sokratis and David Luiz, slotting the ball into the bottom right corner, millimeters from the post. The Barcelona fans celebrated wildly as the Arsenal players sat on the ground, heads in hands. Gunnersaurus clapped politely as L'avi del Barça ran laps around the field but deep down he felt the pain of the 2006 final returning. "It's still only the first half," he reminded himself, breathing slowly as Freddie had taught him.

Barcelona dominated a demoralized Arsenal for the rest of the half, with Leno saving shot after shot and there was a palpable sigh of relief when the referee blew for half time. As the team trudged back to the dressing room Gunnersaurus took his place between the goalposts, graciously struggling to save penalties from Junior Gunners members. Little did he know that he was the subject of much discussion in the dressing room.

"We need to bring more energy to this game," lectured Arsenal coach Mikel Arteta in a stern but kind voice. "We need to have a fighting spirit."

"But how can we win? They are just too good," said Torreira.

"Do you remember Gunnersaurus at the European Mascot Grand National?" Arteta reminded the team. They murmured in agreement.

"He could hardly jump over a tiny hurdle in training but he kept trying, kept fighting and never gave up," Arteta continued. "When he won the race he was exhausted with every last drop of his energy spent. Powered by his love for the club and Arsène Wenger he gave it all for you to be here and have this opportunity to play in the Champions League final. So go out there and do him proud. Do not let his achievement be for nothing I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT BOYS COYG!"

"COYG!" replied the players in unison.

Having saved a grand total of zero Junior Gunner penalties during the half-time break Gunnersaurus resumed his seat. As the second half commenced he noticed that Arsenal were playing much better and were hardly letting a frustrated Barcelona have any possession. "I wonder what Arteta said to them at half time," he said to himself.

But there was no time to ponder what that might have been as Kieran Tierney slotted a beautiful ball to Matteo Guendouzi who blasted it into the back of the Barcelona goal, the net rippling gloriously. Gunnersaurus leapt to his feet and jumped up and down, celebrating the goal with the rest of the technical staff.

When the game resumed Arsenal kept up the momentum, relentlessly attacking the goal. The Barcelona fans were becoming more agitated, noticing that their team was being truly outclassed. Arsenal were on the attack once again when Luis Suarez slid in and completely flattened Xhaka just outside the 18 yard box. Immediately the referee blew his whistle and signalled an Arsenal free kick. With only a few minutes left on the clock all the Arsenal players assembled in the penalty area. Gunnersaurus watched, his heart in his mouth, as Mesut Özil waited for referee to walk the Barcelona defensive wall back the appropriate distance and blew his whistle once again.

Gunnersaurus watched in slow motion as Özil kicked the ball, the way it spun and curled, the graceful leap of Héctor Bellerín who flew through the air and whose head collided with the ball which sailed into the top right corner of the goal. Gunnersaurus stood rooted to the ground in shock as Bellerín charged gleefully towards him, wrapping his arms around the mascot's rotund belly. Although he was a strong and mighty dinosaur he fell to the ground under the weight of the rest of the team as they piled on, along with Mikel Arteta and Freddie Ljungberg. A salty tear slid from Gunnersaurus' eyes and dropped onto the pitch as he gazed into the twinkling stars overhead. They had done it. Arsenal were going to win the Champions League.

As the elated Arsenal players made their way back to the field, the referee blew the final whistle. The game was over. They had done it. Gunnersaurus had never felt more proud of the team as they ran over to celebrate with the fans who were in the process of unfurling a giant banner which read "GUNNERSAURUS WE LOVE YOU".

"Oh golly," he yelped. "That's me!"

And as he watched his beloved Arsenal hoist the UEFA Champions League trophy finally triumphantly into the air after all those years, surrounded by red and white confetti and in the very same stadium in which he had won the European Mascot Grand National he felt nothing but pride for his beloved club. Gunnersaurus smiled.

The end


End file.
